I tried not to get too excited. Harrison was unpacking things and Sydney was playing on the computer. I brought the kids with me to my classroom to unload my things before starting work next week.
Thank God my friend Jen and her son came along to help and support me. It was hard for me to go into the building. I admit I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t staying long. I like to always leave on a high note. Just like that a peaceful, calm room turned into kicking, screaming and a meltdown. Syd took me by surprise and again I wasn’t ready.
She was perfectly fine. Was it the temperature in the room? Was it cramps from her lady days? Was it the changes of the moon? Did I miss an absent seizure? Unfortunately I will never know the answers.
After the meltdown. I’m feeling down. Syd is sleepy. Harrison is Harrison. Trying to find the good in the hell we experienced. I wasn’t embarrassed and I didn’t care who heard or saw us. I just wanted Syd to be safe.
Last night Sydney and I rode the Ferris Wheel. I was doing fine until we reached the top of the ride and stopped. What the fuck was I thinking? I’m stuck at the top of a Ferris Wheel with Sydney. With no seatbelt and tiny chain holding us inside the ride.
The only thoughts going through my head were what will I do if she tries to jump? What if she has a meltdown right now? Jesus take the Ferris Wheel.
I reminded myself that I have taken on “a badass” attitude. But I must have lost my mind getting on this ride with her. While swinging at the top. We talked. I prayed. She sang and I couldn’t wait to get off that ride when it came to a stop.
What if she jumped? What if she had a meltdown? I almost let those thoughts override looking at the ocean with Sydney. We almost missed the opportunity of watching the sun set over the ocean.
Don’t let fear make you miss out on opportunities that will add joy to your life.