$7.15

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Maybe this is a sign. The numbers 715 might be the winning lottery numbers. Or maybe God is trying to steer me to a chapter and verse in The Bible. All I know is $7.15 is all the money that I have in my account.

As I sat on the floor with a pile of bills and papers. Sydney was screaming because The Mary Poppins Dvd was scratched. Harrison was studying for a math test. Rob won’t answer my text or calls.

Our refrigerator is stocked so that’s a blessing. The utilities are paid. I hope he took care of the mortgage payment this month. I just paid my divorce lawyer and this divorce is really happening.
How did I get here? In this moment right now? Not just having $7.15 in my account. Fourteen years later and here I sit. Overwhelmed, confused, sleepy and scared as hell.

I know I have my emergency money somewhere. I think I hid it from myself. Nope, I found it just where I hid it. But it’s empty. Why am I even surprised. I am angry, but I have no time for tears. $7.15 has to last for one week until payday. Please don’t let the kids have a field trip or a project or anything extra. As long as I keep smiling they are happy.

The panic came over me because I felt guilty. Guilty for spending $30,000 on autism treatment for Sydney. And using the rest of my savings for specialized child care. Because no one wants to have a child with autism in their daycare.

My other assets have been frozen because of the divorce. I have never felt so lost in my life. This might call for me to go through my closet and find clothes with the tags on them and take them back to the store. I know I am not the only one who has ever done that.
Maybe I should call my parents, but that is the last thing I will do. I won’t do that until the account balance is $1.00. I’ve never been one to ask for help. So I am going to stay up all night until I figure out a solution. The scripture says that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. But I am so numb that I can’t even weep.

The next day the sun was coming up when I was going to bed. The kids and I got ready for school. I tried not to think of $7.15. Lord, I am not asking for a million dollars. But I need one of those miracles like the fish and the loaves of bread ASAP.

Later that day I received a call that someone who my friend knew needed a sitter for two days in the evening for an emergency. To be honest, I am thinking that the last thing I want to do is babysit someone else’s kids after work. But here was my chance to make something happen without asking for a handout. After watching the kids from 5pm-11pm. My account was now at $57.15.

Why am I panicking? I knew God would provide. He always does. My situation looks so hopeless right now. I don’t know what will happen after my divorce is final. I have my resignation letter ready to submit to HR. Only the next few months will tell. I am not a vengeful person. I must remain classy for the sake of my children. God must be testing me. He didn’t answer the prayers to save my marriage. He won’t hear my prayers. But he did.

My favorite book in The Bible is Psalms. I decided to look up Psalms Chapter 7 verse 15.

Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit they have made. The trouble they cause recoils on them; their violence comes down on their heads. I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord the Most High.

That sounds like karma to me. It was in that moment that I knew I was a survivor. Harrison, Sydney and I would be fine. All of the evil and emotional abuse we endured. God would fight that battle for us. We just needed to stay quiet. Who would have ever thought that $7.15 would change my life.

 

I’ll reveal my book title in my next blog.

Love,

Brooke

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