Autism Coma

I think it was an episode of Greys Anatomy I was watching. The patient could hear and see everything that was going on. But couldn’t speak, and couldn’t move. Seeing the distress in their eyes made me empathize with how they felt.

I was in an autism coma for many years. I was walking through the motions but didn’t really have a grasp on life. I made impulsive decisions. I refused help and advice, because I saw it as a weakness. I didn’t want to be considered an easy target.

Part of me liked being in the autism coma. I didn’t have to worry about friends because many had abandoned us. We could stay in our own world. Sydney was in her world. I was in an autism coma. Harry and my ex were trying to make sense of it all.

It was so bad one day when Syd was four. This lady was giving us so much attitude and nasty comments. That I started doing sign language with Sydney. Now maybe the lady would leave us the hell alone. My sign language ended with me giving her the middle finger. I told you I am a sinner saved by grace. God has brought me a mighty long way.

While in the autism coma. I didn’t realize Sydney tore all of the pages out of books, or was watching Cat in The Hat on repeat for hours at a time. A few weeks ago Sydney and I watched Cat in The Hat. That movie is not appropriate for children. Of course Sydney’s favorite part was son of a ………….. They didn’t actually say the word. But it was bad. I should have been upset. Years ago while she was replaying the same scene over and over. Instead, I was glad that she was saying words. It’s when she called me chocolate thunder. I knew I had to snap out of my autism coma.

I felt safe in the coma. Similar to how Sydney feels when she is in Australia. I have been out of the autism coma for years. Until this past weekend. I slipped back in to the autism coma.

To be continued……..

 

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The Best I Have is Okay

I’ve been known to talk too much. I’m even guilty of saying too much when answering someone’s questions. Lately, I’ve realized that people just want the facts. Not the prequel, just the facts and an answer. It’s okay to just say okay.

Am I the only one that writes a text as long as a paragraph, and reads it? Deletes it. Then I write it all over again. Only to screenshot it to send to my bestie to get her input.

I’m guilty of that as well. Keeping it simple is not a bad thing. Some of us have run on sentences with our mouths. You don’t need to prove anything or give long explanations. Keep it simple.

I had a certain relationship that caused me stress yet I couldn’t seem to break free. I was made to feel that I had to give 150% and that still wasn’t good enough. I was killing myself trying to make things perfect. And to respond in the perfect way. When I finally decided that it’s never going to be perfect.

Then I realized that if my relationship with this person caused me to be “on” 24/7. Not allowing me time to woosah and relax. Then all I have for you is okay. No, I’m not talking about my baby daddy either.

It was a  sign of growing and making progress. So remember to keep it simple.

We Have The Green Light

Sistas hold on to your weaves! We have been given the green light. It is okay to date a white man. Can I get an Amen?

It’s fair to say that black men have always had the green light to date outside their race. Black women on the other hand have always been criticized.

White men have been cautious about dating a woman of color for many reasons. What will my family and friends say? How do I handle unwanted comments and jokes? The list goes on.

A little advice ladies if you meet the parents for the first time and they say. “We don’t see color.” GET OUT!!!! The fact that they had to make that statement makes me cautious. That’s just my opinion. #staywoke

You can’t help who you love. It’s time to accept all couples with smiles and not stares. I used humor to hook you into reading this blog. Seriously, we need to let go of all of the stereotypes. All black women aren’t on welfare. All black woman aren’t angry.

White men can jump. White men have rhythm and soul. Cue Prince Harry dancing in Jamaica. He was my inspiration for this blog.

I should have known when that man asked me if I liked dark meat or white meat. He was not talking about the chicken!

Happy Monday! Remember to keep your eyes and heart open for love.

Brooke

That’s a Strong Woman

I must admit I really wanted to blog about the royal wedding. There were so many interesting things that caught my attention. I have to share just one. Spice Girl looked like she was attending a funeral. Not the dress, her face and attitude. I’m just saying if David Beckham was my husband. I would be grinning from ear to ear like a kid running wild at Chuckie Cheese.

I cried watching the wedding. Thinking about Princess Diana and how proud she would be of her children. And the way Prince Harry looked at Meghan is what all couples want to have in their relationships.

What left the greatest impression on me, was the elegant Doria Ragland. At first I was thinking she must have someone in her family with her. An auntie or best girlfriend so that she’s not sitting all alone.

In an instant I felt sorry for her. Being in a strange place, overcome with emotions and trying to follow protocol. Then I thought maybe people feel sorry for me.

I haven’t attended an event that compares to watching your child get married. But I do know what it’s like to attend functions for my children as a single mom.

It takes a kind of sophistication and confidence that many don’t have. It requires you to enjoy the moment and thank God for never leaving your side on your journey.

Doria Ragland is a strong woman and you could see it in her eyes. Just how proud and happy she was for her daughter.

It takes a strong woman to attend your child’s conferences, concerts, open house and school functions as “that” mom. I am “that” mom and have been reminded by the other moms lately. Like Doria, I smile. Sit alone and think that I made this moment happen. I did this!

My children are in a good place now because of the sacrifices I’ve made and my work behind the scenes. Many will never understand. Because they have never had that level of responsibility.

It was nice that the Royal Family embraced her, with her nose ring and locs in her hair. She was the reminder that I needed after a difficult week. It was a reminder that no matter where you are on your journey. When you reach the finish line. You will rejoice and know in your heart. You belong!

Kids Meet The Handy Man

So, it’s that awkward time to fill our forms and my emergency contact person is mommy. My sissy is on there too. I admit it’s a little depressing.

So, I’m on the hunt again like a cougar. Not really. But it sounds good. I met two men. I’m not as good at multitasking as you think.

I told Bachelor #1 if he wanted to get to know me, read my blog and then let’s chat. I thought this was a good way to see if he likes to read. Will he call me after reading the blog? We shall see.

Then there was Bachelor #2. We went on a few dates. But our work schedules are the complete opposite and that was a struggle. He came over to visit last week. Before I give you the details. Let’s get back to Bachelor #1.

Well he called. He told me he read the blog. He couldn’t handle the truth. As intriguing as my life seemed to him. He wasn’t ready to enjoy the moment. He was thinking about 20 years from now. I’m thinking I hope Jesus comes back before that. In the end. I could respect his honesty.

Bachelor #2 came over to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I’ve known Bachelor #2 for two years. Harrison met him before. He met Syd this time. He took the time to ask her questions and she just gave him the side eye at times.

We chatted for a bit. But something was off. When I said white he said black. If I said spring mix. He wanted baby spinach. I didn’t remember it being like this before.

I think it’s me. Maybe I’m too old for this? I couldn’t help but think. I’ll be glad when he leaves so I can put my pjs on and watch Law & Order. Was I nervous because my kids were home? But that’s my reality. Was I nervous that Syd would have a meltdown? I’m really not sure.

He did change the lightbulbs for me that I couldn’t reach. I wanted him to bring some furniture in from the garage but that was pushing it. He would probably be expecting me to make dinner. And I don’t cook on the weekends unless it’s a holiday.

The rest of our visit went well. In my head I was making a Venn Diagram of our similarities and our differences. I still need to review my data! But Bachelor #2 is a friend. But this might have been the dealbreaker. My ESPN alerts on my phone bothered him. Bye Tyrone!(That’s not his name. That’s a blog for later.)

The kids said their goodbyes to him. After he left. Harrison asked me who he was again. I told him the handy man and showed him the new lights that were now working.

Do I need an emergency contact, a handy man or a husband? I need all three. If it’s God’s will and in God’s timing. I’ll have them all.

For now in case of an emergency. Call mommy.

If You Thought $20 For a Gallon of Milk Was Bad

If you missed my blog on the time that I paid $20 for a gallon of milk. You have to go back and read that drama in your free time.

Yesterday the kids and I were going to a presentation about our family at The University of Delaware. We have done this project for three years. We have always met at the same building. This year I didn’t realize we were meeting at the other Disability’s Center building.

We arrived at the wrong building with ten minutes to spare. I texted our girls to tell them we were downstairs. They said they would come and meet us.

It was 88 degrees and Syd was not feeling the heat. I never buy food from vending machines but I thought. Let me get them a snack to get through the presentations.

Well of course I didn’t have change. Or even a dollar bill. I calmly take a $5 bill and try to slide it in the machine. The machine spits it back out at me. This continues for about a minute with no luck. Meanwhile the girls are texting me informing me I’m at the wrong building.

Panic set in. I was hot. Syd was getting irritated and Harrison was trying to relay messages for me on my phone. The $5 bill isn’t working and Syd’s echolalia is in full effect. 140 gummy bears, 140 gummy bears. I got it Syd. I’ll push 140 as soon as this machines takes my money.

Now my hot flash has me ready to pass out. Since when did vending machines have a credit card option? If I paid $20 for a gallon of milk. I’ll use the credit card to buy gummy bears. After hearing 140, gummy bears for five minutes. I pushed 148 and got peanut butter crackers. Jesus take the wheel!

Now I’m searching for more money. Harrison programmed the directions to the building we need to get to. Their class has started and I’m thinking they will have to go on without us.

I found a $20 bill. This was my last chance as I had a flashback to the gallon of milk. I put the $20 bill into the machine and said a Hail Mary.

Of course the machine took my $20. You would have thought we hit the jackpot at the casino. I wasn’t touching that machine. The kids started selecting their snacks.

I was experiencing an autism coma. That’s a blog for later this week. College students were coming by and Copher’s Community offered them free snacks. They thought it was a practical joke. But they were glad to get a snack. We had $16.00 left and all I could think was will this machine shoot out my change in all coins?

Harrison was laughing so hard. Syd had her 140 gummy bears. We had 6 minutes to get to the right building.

We made it. The girls did an amazing presentation. The students and professors were very nice. They asked Harrison questions and he made me proud. Syd was enjoying the presentation. So we decided to stay for the last group and I’m glad I did. I learned so much from the other family’s video.

Thanks Autism for a fun night. My 12,000 steps, time with my family and an opportunity to feed snacks to college kids.

This Black Thing Is Exhausting

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Before you get your panties in a knot. Don’t read today’s blog if you are not open to the topic of race. I blog from experience. This is how the story goes.

Harrison texted me that he needed to talk with me as soon as I got home from work. In my mind a million scenarios were going through my head. At least he said that he wanted to talk. So that made me happy.

Harrison told me that another student said that he didn’t feel comfortable around him because he is black. I was expecting the conversation to be deep, but not this deep. Just my luck that I would have to tackle this topic after a difficult day at work. I was stressed, tired and grumpy. I needed my five-minute dance party or Woo Sah moment. Before I switched over to mommy mode.

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Not today. This black thing can be exhausting at times. I had to really call on Jesus for wisdom. Harrison couldn’t understand what he did to the student. Immediately I asked Harrison if he did or said anything to this kid. He told me that he didn’t.

I told Harrison that sometimes people have preconceived notions about things. And that there was nothing he could say or do that would change his racist thoughts. The hurt in his eyes wasn’t going away any time soon. I knew I would have to continue this discussion. I reminded him that this one person doesn’t speak for his entire race.

Harrison couldn’t let this go. He became almost fixated on trying to change this kid’s mind. I told Harrison the harsh reality. That everyone will not like you. Everyone doesn’t like me. That’s life. If you have to prove what an amazing person you are to someone else. Then that person doesn’t deserve to be in your presence.

I still don’t know what hurt Harrison more. The comment or the fact that he couldn’t become friends with this kid. Harrison also shared what happened with my Mommy. She told him to pray for the kid. Say hi and bye. And keep it moving. I love my Mommy.

I am sure some of you are probably thinking that this is really not a big deal. Maybe your child came home upset because kids made them feel unwanted and not fit in for whatever reason. Maybe your child can change something to better their odds.

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Harrison can’t stop being black. He can’t change that. Nor do I want him to. I want him to continue to let the light of God walk with him. So that when people meet him. They can’t help but speak in a manner of respect. It won’t always be easy. But he will adjust.

Did I give him good advice? I was running on empty. I sure didn’t have time to have a Remember The Titans field trip with this kid and his family.  Race is the elephant in the room at times. Not everyone is comfortable with other races. That is your own personal journey that you must travel. But why pass that along to your children? If you are still wondering the race of this kid in my blog.  Then that is part of the problem.  It shouldn’t matter.