After my divorce we came to Delaware for a visit. Harrison and Sydney just thought we were going to stay at the beach for one week and one week with my family. Little did they know that I began researching schools for them. I also needed to find a team of doctors that could replace the doctors from Ann Arbor for Sydney. I heard that the services for people with Autism was better in Delaware so I was hopeful.
I made a difficult choice to resign from my teaching job, leave the only home that my children knew, our family, friends, and church. But I knew that it was move that we had to make. I remember when the POD arrived. That made it official. We were really moving to another state. I have to be honest I don’t remember much from June 2013-August 2013. It was all a blur to me. I had lived on my own for over twenty years when my family all left me and moved to Delaware. Just kidding! So I had twenty years worth of things that I had to keep, donate or throw away. I had less than two weeks to make this all happen. The hardest part was packing the kids rooms. I couldn’t bring everything with us. I remember crying on the floor and packing at the same time.
I was experiencing every emotions you could think of. I would have been a great character in the movie Inside Out. One minute I was fearful, I didn’t have a job lined up in Delaware. I would be angry, sad and happy within in moments of each other. Thank God for my mommy. She was with me to help me pack up. I honestly don’t know if I could have done it without her. I had the comfort in knowing that my parents welcomed us into their home. And not many people can say that. I stepped out on faith and God made a way for us. I just had to trust in His promises. It was not an easy road to walk. Here I was 41 at the time, fabulous and a single mommy of two. What you need to understand is that I wasn’t looking for handouts. I have worked since I was 15 years old. I knew what my responsibilities were and I would take care of my children. My plan was that I had a year to get my children settled and hopefully get back into the workforce.
The day I realized that I was strong enough to endure whatever life threw at me, I was confident we would make it. Sacrifices were made and I always put the needs of my children first. Yes, I missed out on a lot but my first priority was my children. When I began to think in that manner our lives began to change.
If your marriage is struggling, I would like to share these three tips with you.
- Pray and communicate with your spouse. Be a good listener. Seek counseling or talk with your pastors.
- Don’t share everything with everyone. I know you need one person to be “your person” to vent and cry with. The more people who are involved create drama.
- Be at peace with whatever decision you choose. If you stay in your marriage or file for divorce. People shouldn’t ask you why you are getting divorced. They should be asking how they can help you. I saw five different attorneys for almost two years before I filed for divorce. It was not a decision that I made lightly or out of anger.
People always ask me if I wished that things would have turned out differently. Well of course I do. We were to grow old together, raise our family and have traditions. But there was a “plot twist” and the fat lady started singing and I had to adjust.
The final part of my mini series focuses on the most important part, and that is the children that are involved.
Never settle for good enough!