The Time Autism Stole My Voice

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Do you know that feeling when you have worst sore throat and you lose your voice?  You try to talk but all you can do is whisper.  I felt that way when I began on my journey with autism. I lost my voice.

My mind was trying to process the fact that my child was different not less. She was diagnosed with a disability that has no cause or cure.  My voice was silent.  My family and friends were asking me questions and I didn’t have the answers to give them.  I was still searching for the answers myself.

I spent many nights reading, crying, praying and trying to keep my life together.  Sleep deprived, depressed and struggling to speak.  I was never in denial about Sydney having autism.  There was no time for denial. There were books to be read and appointments to be made. As I write this blog I think about how I lost my voice in my marriage but that is a blog in itself for a later time.

It hurt too much to share my story. Only a few people knew about Sydney smearing feces on the wall, being kicked out of daycare,  being asked to leave Harrison’s graduation ceremony from kindergarten because she was making too many noises.  I was silent with friends and family.  I didn’t share the real reasons we didn’t leave the house. I never told people how other families treated us at public events.  Autism stole my voice.

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Instead I had autism on my brain all day.  I had to try everything possible to help Sydney gain her voice back.  I think I knew how Sydney felt.  When she struggled to process language and express her feelings and nothing would come out.  Autism had stolen both of our voices and I was determined to fight and get our voices back. We had to show the world that our voices were important and needed to be heard.

I believe I had to isolate myself, keep autism silent until I was bold and strong enough to share my voice. Blogging saved my life.  Please don’t misinterpret that I was suicidal.  Blogging gave me my voice back to use in a positive way.  When I lost my voice, I chose to journal my thoughts instead.  When I share a video of Sydney reading, talking or singing, I think back to the child that only grunted and screamed.

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Overtime I realized that I had to share, because each day a new family is hearing “Your child has autism.” for the first time.  Today I use my voice to share Sydney and Harrison with all of you. I share my voice to spread autism awareness and embrace autism.  My voice is the only way I know how to help and educate others.  If your child had autism I know you would use your voice and share living with autism with the world with everyone just like  me.

~Brooke

 

 

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