It’s Raining Men

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Do you remember that song by The Weather Girls?  The video is what I remember the most!  Now that I have your attention, I want to continue my Dating After Divorce blog.  Since the last blog I have decided to venture out into the dating world again, thanks to my teaching partners in crime.  However, I think I need to stop watching Criminal Minds marathons because I automatically think some of these men are serial killers.

Being a single mommy and trying to date is hard. My children aren’t shipped of to their father every other weekend so it is trickier for me.   When men ask if I have children I am very open and honest about Sydney and her disability.  That way they can take off running or stay around.  But it all comes down to any man who I am seriously dating has to love and accept my children and understand that we are a package deal.

With that being said. I am not on the prowl every time I leave my home.  The reason I waited so long to date is because,  I wanted to fall in love with myself again.  I know my worth.  I know what I can bring to a family.  Here is where I would love for my male friends to chime in.  Why is it that some men don’t want to date a woman with a job and only one baby daddy? I am by no means a millionaire. But yes, I am able to take care of my children on my own. That should be seen as an asset not a threat.  Men have told me that I am too independent for them.  I try to let them know I need them to change my oil and cut the grass but they don’t get it. No, seriously that is my clue to move on.

Dating is hard because some men are not honest.  I am not breaking the woman code and that is dating a married man. I am not judging people who do this, it is just not for me.   On the first date, this man told me he was divorced, which meant he was separated which meant he was still married.  That’s why I pray, ask questions and follow my gut instincts.  If a man tells me he is divorced I need to see the court documents. See I don’t like drama.  I don’t have time to deal with a man and all of his baby  momma’s drama either. I know that might sound harsh, but it is not for me. I am too old for that.

When you exchange numbers with a man how soon do you make contact?  I remember the dating game twenty years ago and you had to wait for him to call first, then you don’t answer and wait a day to call him back.   I’ll be 100 years old waiting all of that time.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!  I figure we are adults,  if we exchange numbers I have no problem reaching out first. I wouldn’t give you my number if I didn’t want to get to know you.

The key to dating after divorce is to make sure you are healed and ready to move on. Don’t date because your ex is dating  and you don’t want to be left out.  Also you can’t compare your ex to the new person that you are dating.  It is not fair to that individual.  Don’t tell the new person that you are dating all of your drama from your last relationship.  You can give a quick overview but don’t make it into a mini series. That is a deal breaker.

Now I  have a clean canvas and an open heart.  Let me be clear I am not racing to get to the altar. But I have opened my heart again.  I have some dating advice that might help you or just make you smile.

  • Find a man who loves The Lord.  I want someone who will pray with me and feels comfortable worshiping God.
  • Find a man with good work ethic, translation has a job.  He doesn’t have to be a VP of a company or  a brain surgeon.  But he has to have steady income.  I don’t have a problem dating a sanitation worker or a construction worker.  If you are out working hard everyday that speaks volumes to me.
  • You have to embrace autism.  You might be scared out of your mind and have no idea everything that our family endures but you have to willing to learn.
  • I would say I am looking for my soul mate, but I thought I already found him 18 years ago.  Can you really have another soulmate? I don’t know.  I am looking for a best friend and we will take it from there.
  • Do a background check and ask questions or have him complete a survey whichever is easier. Keep in mind be ready to answer the same questions that you asked him.
  • Find a man who respects you.  I am not impressed by a man that wants to buy my love with materialistic things. I appreciate the simple things.  A text in the middle of the day that reads thinking about you, makes me smile more than him giving me a Tory Burch handbag.   I figure he can shower me with gifts on Valentine’s Day since that is my birthday too.
  • Wait on God to send you the man you are praying for, because that person is praying for you too.  In the meantime love yourself and wait patiently.

Remember to follow your heart and take things one day at a time.  At least that is what I have learned to do. I am glad that I had the courage to date again and start a new friendship.

~Brooke

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