I know that this will probably sound very weird. But yesterday I was sitting at the dinner table with the kids and it hit me. I am the only adult in this house. It wasn’t like I just woke up from LaLa Land. But we finally had a chance to sit down and eat dinner together. As I listened to Harrison and Sydney talk, I realized that all decisions fall on my shoulders. I am their “go to” person.
This wasn’t anything new. I have been doing this for over four years now. Maybe it was Sydney’s three-hour IEP, or the fact that I took Harrison to a doctor’s appointment before her IEP. I realized that I am the mama and the daddy.
My kids ask a lot of questions which is great. When I was recently divorced, out of habit I would say go ask your dad. Harrison would look at me with a concerned look on his face. Now when I am multi-tasking and they come and ask me a question. I tell them to go to their room and ask Jesus. Then I begin yelling come and help me with the laundry. Harrison’s reply is ” Mom I can’t. I’m waiting on an answer from Jesus.”
There are times that I don’t have the answers. Or I need a minute to “get my mind right” from a long day and lack of sleep. I may not have a “go to person” under my roof. But that doesn’t mean that I am alone. Making decisions can be difficult for me at times. Am I doing the right thing? Did I advocate enough? Did I make the right medical decision? Am I being a helicopter mom?
Then I start playing the “what if” game. Will I be able to defend my kids if someone breaks in our home? Will they remember our fire escape plan? Do I have the emergency kit ready? Will I remember how to use the snowblower? What if zombies come, where will we hide? Okay, the zombie example was a little extreme. But you understand what I mean.
Last night I had my pajamas on by 6:00 pm. I was done “adulting” for the day. Sydney was content. Harrison was working independently. I wasn’t filling out field trip forms or yearbook orders. That could wait, along with a few other things on my “to do” list. I started to think about how I am the mama and the daddy. And I am handling it like a boss. I am answering questions that might make Harrison feel uncomfortable but I have to teach him.
During my reflection time, I thought about how God has not given me a spirit of fear. I am more than a conqueror. God is preparing me for the next phase in our lives. He is getting me ready for my future husband. He is the daddy that we can bring our questions and cares to when we feel sad or lonely. I am the mama and the daddy for Harrison and Sydney. Because I had amazing parents and a God that is faithfully by my side.
A Woman's Work - Brooke Basically Blogging 