Some days Autism is hard. Autism lately has me puzzled. All of the pieces are not fitting together. In my earlier blogs, I told you how Sydney would love to line her toys or dvds in a straight, organized line. Well, Sydney missed the memo last week because this mess would send a person with autism in panic mode. Sydney felt right at home in the mess she made.
I am not sure what happened. All I know is I was making dinner and I heard the commotion and came upstairs to find Sydney in the middle of all of this. I am trying to figure out why she doesn’t want her clothes in the closet. She wants them all in a pile like a mountain in the corner of her room. I thought maybe she wanted to use the closet as a reading nook. But I am thinking she has the Foxy Tent, what else does she need!
To keep my sanity I told Syd we would play I Spy. As we played I Spy she would bring me the item and she would put it away. I have decided I will have to remove a lot of things from her room. Less is best for Syd now. Her books and dvds were moved to my office. She calls it her library. Today we will decide where to put some of her other toys and games.
In the heat of the moment Sydney asked me, “Mommy, am I stressing you out?” First I said, “Yes, Sydney you are.” Then I started thinking is this autism? Why won’t she speak in complete sentences at school like this? Her language was appropriate for the situation. Is this autism or preteen behavior?
And the autism saga continues. Have you heard of Chikita Banana? Well I have Chikita Grapes. We took a break from cleaning and came downstairs. Sydney was now ready to work on her theater performance. At first she began to act out scenes from The Jungle Book 2. She was Ashanti and the bowl was the water she was carrying back to her village. This excerpt from the movie included a song. Syd has a great voice. I really want to encourage her to be involved in a drama club.
I struggle daily because I am not sure if it is autism or Sydney just pulling a fast one on me. Her need to wear this particular dress, or her Egyptian princess costume when she gets home is important to her. Is that any different from me wanting to put on my pjs as soon as I get home from work? There are days when I wish I could understand what her brain was telling her. Just when I think we have the pieces of the puzzle together, I notice that several important pieces are still missing.
Each day I learn more about autism. I know I am not the only parent who feels puzzled and sometimes thinks that our situation is hopeless. That’s when I am reminded of how far we have come. How the hours of intervention were not in vain. I realize that there are some questions I will never have the answer for.