Whenever I have the chance to talk with friends, I cherish those moments. Texting is not the best way to communicate but for me sometimes that is my only option. Last week I was talking with a friend that I have known for over twenty years. Halfway through our conversation, she made the strangest statement. She said, “Brooke I am so jealous of you.”
Before I answered her I began to rattle off a list in my head of all of the things that she could possibly be jealous of:
Was it my model size figure?
The fact that I am a stay at home mom.
It must be my tall, dark and handsome husband.
The vineyard that I own.
My vacation home is Florida.
Oh, that’s right I don’t have any of those things. I must admit I was taken off guard. I shared with my friend that I wasn’t sure what she meant by that statement. She has known my struggles. She saw me at my best and happiest times. And she also saw me at some of the saddest moments of my life. So what do I have that she is jealous of? And why after twenty years is she telling me this?
She broke down and told me that she was jealous of the fact that I never gave up. That I never put another man before my children. That I never used my children as pawns with Rob. She was jealous that I could treat my enemies with kindness. She was jealous that I didn’t hate God. She was jealous that I still believed in God after all that I had been through.
I had to remind her that I was/am not perfect. Every day I say Jesus take the wheel and help me not snap so I can make it to heaven! I was a woman scorned and I was mad as hell. I wished that Rob would experience hell and pain just like I did. However, I would not plot his demise. I had to always look at the bigger picture. Terrible things were happening all around me, but I never lost sight of God. God didn’t hate me. Was God testing me? Would I repay evil for evil?
I listened to my friend as she poured out her heart to me. After our discussion I had a better understanding of what life had dealt her and how she handled things in the past. I remember the day that Rob called me out of the blue. He tends to appear like puff the magic dragon. It was two years ago that he apologized to me. He asked for my forgiveness. I immediately starting thinking that he must be on his death-bed if he is apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
I listened to him and finally I said, “I accept your apology.” If I hadn’t accepted his apology, I would still be stuck in a dark place. The future I have planned for my family is bright. I wasn’t going to let my bitterness hinder our blessings.
Don’t despair. Your situation is not too hard for God to fix.