I Was Helen


If I had to count how many times I have seen this movie. I am not sure that I know the correct answer. Every time that I watch it. I find out that the character, Helen and I are very similar. I guess I will watch it one more time. I know the words by heart and can even sing all of the songs. I need to laugh and this will definitely make me laugh. Will I cry like I always do when I watch the movie? Or have I cried all of the tears that I could have possibly cried?

In case you haven’t figured it out. I am going to watch Diary Of A Mad Black Woman again. Let me make it clear I was never bitter. But I was mad as hell. Yes, I was hurt. My world was crashing all around me. The picture that we were portraying was a lie. It is time to tell the truth, come clean and face the challenges ahead of me.


Helen was a sweet girl, all she wanted was a family that loved her. She would go above and beyond to keep her family together. She was a woman of God. I was Helen.

Helen thought she could fix any situation. Helen turned away from family and maybe even their comments. Helen lost her friends. But maybe her friends knew something and they couldn’t stand seeing Helen being treated that way. I was Helen.

In one night Helen’s perfect world fell apart. Maybe using the word perfect was part of the problem. Her life as she knew it was over. All of her belongings packed in boxes in the back of the U-Haul truck. Just think about what that would be like with two children staring at you for answers to questions that you couldn’t process. I was Helen without “Orlando” (Shemar Moore) as my driver.


Helen found herself going back to her roots. To the family that she loved so dearly. She had to pick up the pieces, even though she was mad as hell. Helen found her sanity and peace in her diary. Each day she would write and pour out her emotions. Not for anyone else to read. There was no way she could keep all of those feelings inside any longer. Her only release was to scribe them in a journal. I was Helen.

Helen’s guard was up. She was entering into unfamiliar territory. She didn’t trust anyone. Not even the people who were closest to her. Just when Helen thought she was moving on. She found herself drawn back to the past that brought her so much pain. It was her duty. I was Helen.

Over time Helen began to face the demons of her past. She started going back to church. Her life was turning around. That feeling of being mad as hell was leaving her spirit. Helen had to come to peace on her terms and in her own time. I was Helen.

The new Helen found the old Helen. I am not sure how many journals she wrote in before it happened. Once she bared her soul and shared her testimony. Helen was strong, confident, and God-fearing. I was Helen.

Helen went on to find love again.  Helen remembered what love felt like, how to be treated as a queen, and respected.

I will be Helen.



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