I Hope No One Is Watching

My vacation to the Outerbanks was the most peaceful and relaxing experience that I’ve had in awhile. Being near the water was healing. It’s hard to describe. I didn’t need 80 degree weather each day. I was thankful to have the view of the ocean for a week. And I was going to enjoy every minute.

I was drawn to the water, even though I can’t swim. When Sydney and I were on the beach. I was praying Jesus take the wheel. Please don’t let her run into the ocean. I won’t be able to save her. While sitting on the beach with Syd. I started to think about how water was used in The Bible. The parting of the Red Sea, Jesus walking on water, the story of Jonah and the whale. I could go on with more examples. But I think you know how powerful this was for me.

Well, it wasn’t all roses. To walk to the beach was easy. We just walked from the beach house, to the deck and the sand was on our toes. Getting down the small hill was fine but coming back up for me was a challenge.

Being near the water for a week. I made peace with many things. I received the confirmation from God that I needed on some of my prayer requests. And I realized my fat ass couldn’t climb a hill in the sand.

The first time we returned to the house from the beach was not pretty. Harrison and Sydney walked ahead and they left me. I see they don’t know the importance of never leave a man down. Don’t worry they know now!!!

I was walking up the hill thinking I can do this. But every step that I took. My feet slid down in the sand. I was blaming it on the weight of my braids that were weighing me down. I had to make it up that hill. I didn’t want Syd walking by the pool and jumping in.

I panicked as I tried to make it to the top. I called out to Sydney to wait for me. I actually wanted her to help pull me up. But she was too busy waking like an Egyptian.

I called on Black Jesus. I realized that sometimes you must crawl before you can walk. I remember thinking. I hope that no one is watching. I crawled up the sand hill quickly and made it to the top. Syd was laughing and singing and no one saw me.

Sydney would want to come to the beach often this week. I wasn’t going to deprive her of that experience. Especially since it was so calming for her. I would be ready the next time.

Back on the beach later that day Sydney and I collected shells. When it was time to head back to the house. There it was that damn obstacle course also known as a tiny hill. Syd of course made it to the top effortlessly. It was my turn. I needed a ram in the bush just like in The Bible.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My go to scripture was perfect! Well here goes. I was not going to crawl this time. As I faced my Goliath. I saw a large wooden stake. That was my ram in the bush. I grabbed my stick. I probably looked like Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad. But I was going to make it with a little help.

A smart woman would have saved the wooden stake right? It disappeared. I can’t deny Syd the chance to enjoy the beach because of my fear of not being able to make it up the hill.

This hill was more than just sand for me. This hill represented everything that was standing in the way of my happiness. This hill represented the challenges and negativity that I faced. After two days on the beach. I faced that hill head on with determination. No longer did I need a ram in the bush. I was able to make it up the hill on my own.

I wasn’t embarrassed to ask for help. Like I would have been in the past. Each time I approached the hill. My confidence increased. I didn’t care who was watching. I can do this.

Will you ask for help when you need it? Are you relying on a ram in the bush to save you. Do you care if anyone is watching?

That hill taught me that I have the tools I need inside me to reach the top. Do you?

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