Some Days

Some days things go smoothly and the day goes just as planned. Some days I’m ready for the day to be over before it even starts. Some days my tears are so heavy. People tell me I look tired. I give them a fake smile and my Bye Felecia look.

Some days I don’t want to Light It Up Blue. Some days I pretend that autism doesn’t exist. Some days I wish I was still married. Not to my ex but just married. Some days I want to go for a drive and see where the road leads me.

Some days I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. Some days I think I will die alone. Then there are some days when I’m not Negative Nancy but Babbling Brooke. Being around people is a blessing and the loneliness disappears. If only for a night.

Some days a memory will cross my mind and the pain feels like it just happened. Some days I put my needs before everyone else. Some days I don’t answer texts because I want to hear your voice.

Some days I’m tired of being strong and making all of the decisions. Some days are harder than others. Some days people tell me how hard life is. And I know I have no place to judge. But seriously???

Some days I’m drowning in work, being a mom, arranging doctors appointments and living with autism. Some days I walk on water. On those days I enjoy the freedom and power. I want it to last forever.

My “some days” were more frequent lately. Something has to change but I must take a risk. And not look back.

One day I will have this figured out. One day my book will be published. One day my kids will leave the nest. One day I’ll have the desires of my heart.

Maybe today is that day.

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