I hope that I didn’t give you the impression that things don’t get rough for me at times. Because they do. I’m human. I slipped back into my autism coma last week.
This time was different. I could feel it coming. The more I fought it. The worse I felt. I might as well get this over with. The difference this time is that people noticed I was “off”. At least that is what they told me.
I blamed it on being teacher tired at the end of the year. Maybe it’s my blood pressure issues or my upcoming IEP meetings for my kids. As much as I was determined not to wear my weather and be gloomy like the conditions outside. I wasn’t successful.
I wasn’t ready to face the challenges ahead of me. I needed a come to Jesus moment. I know I am a strong woman. But even the strong stumble at times. Mommy and Sissy listened. They both gave me some great advice and talking with them brought me some comfort.
I spoke with my friends back home and my friends here in Delaware. I even had a conversation with my ex. I spoke to my administrator who reminded me that my family comes first.
I admit I didn’t wanted to face things last week. Instead I wanted to put them in a box. Lock them up and throw away the key. Next, I waited on my come to Jesus moment. I waited for lightning to strike. Or a rainbow to appear. I got nothing. No sign from above at all. The only thing I had was a heavy heart that carried my burdens and the burdens of others.
I needed to come out of the Autism coma. There wasn’t a pill that could fix this. I would have to rely on God and inner strength not to give up or go off the deep end.
And just like that I was free. But I had a price to pay. I had to hit rock bottom, ask for forgiveness and face some demons from my past. I had to face the realities of autism, my purpose and my job.
Being in a coma was one of the scariest times of my life. I was determined to pull myself up. I wasn’t meant to break. God showed up just like always. Next week I have some “unknowns” that I must face. I’m ready to face them with an open heart.