I think it was an episode of Greys Anatomy I was watching. The patient could hear and see everything that was going on. But couldn’t speak, and couldn’t move. Seeing the distress in their eyes made me empathize with how they felt.
I was in an autism coma for many years. I was walking through the motions but didn’t really have a grasp on life. I made impulsive decisions. I refused help and advice, because I saw it as a weakness. I didn’t want to be considered an easy target.
Part of me liked being in the autism coma. I didn’t have to worry about friends because many had abandoned us. We could stay in our own world. Sydney was in her world. I was in an autism coma. Harry and my ex were trying to make sense of it all.
It was so bad one day when Syd was four. This lady was giving us so much attitude and nasty comments. That I started doing sign language with Sydney. Now maybe the lady would leave us the hell alone. My sign language ended with me giving her the middle finger. I told you I am a sinner saved by grace. God has brought me a mighty long way.
While in the autism coma. I didn’t realize Sydney tore all of the pages out of books, or was watching Cat in The Hat on repeat for hours at a time. A few weeks ago Sydney and I watched Cat in The Hat. That movie is not appropriate for children. Of course Sydney’s favorite part was son of a ………….. They didn’t actually say the word. But it was bad. I should have been upset. Years ago while she was replaying the same scene over and over. Instead, I was glad that she was saying words. It’s when she called me chocolate thunder. I knew I had to snap out of my autism coma.
I felt safe in the coma. Similar to how Sydney feels when she is in Australia. I have been out of the autism coma for years. Until this past weekend. I slipped back in to the autism coma.
To be continued……..