It will be six years since my divorce. A lot has changed for our family in six years. The fear of “what if” hasn’t gone away. My story didn’t end like a fairy tale but I still love my story and can’t wait for the plot twist and the ending.
Being an autism mom is hard but I’m finding out lately that raising a young black male is tougher. I’ve been trying for three years to get Harrison involved in The Big Brother program. He’s on the bottom of the list because his father isn’t deceased or incarcerated. I’m not trying to get someone else to raise Harrison, but I do think he would benefit from adult male role models.
He has my daddy, uncles and cousins and he’s also been involved with The Middletown Police Department in a positive way. Two years with the youth academy was great. After the program I felt like Harrison was still missing something and it was something that I couldn’t give him.
Today he volunteered at the police station to prepare for a press conference. I saw a certain confidence as he worked the room offering to help and introducing himself to the lieutenant governor, police chief and senators.
In that moment I don’t blame myself for my children being products of divorce. I try not to think of them as stereotypes and statistics.
I blame myself for guarding my heart and not letting anyone get close to me or my children. Single moms carry a lot on our shoulders. We sacrifice to give our kids the best lives we can. At the end of the day we sometimes feel lost and alone, praying that we make the right decisions.
Today I realized that I’m done with waiting lists and I will not be embarrassed to ask for help from my village and my community.