Autism 1 Mommy 0

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I let autism beat me on Friday.  Just like my Detroit Lions, my defense was weak and I let my guard down in the fourth quarter. At the end of the day I was numb.  Sydney had a difficult time at school, we just signed up for a new autism program, and I was waiting on lab results for Syd. Autism wore me out that day.  We didn’t leave the house all weekend.  Except to go for a walk in the neighborhood.

I am not sure if it was the lab work results that I was waiting for, trying to find a respite worker, hearing about Sydney’s rough day at school, or being sleep deprived.  I just know that I lost to autism that day. I didn’t have the strength to pack up Australia and venture out. Harrison had a chance to spend Saturday with mommy and sissy so I felt good about that.

I began to pray and then journal.  That is my way of calming myself down. I began to reach out to friends just to talk, not about autism but I wanted to hear what was happening in their lives. Hearing good news from my friends always make me happy.  Next, I opened the windows and sat on the chaise lounge in the living room.  I wrote from my heart. I wrote a letter to autism and it wasn’t pretty.  It was not a G rated blog at all.  Not sure if it will be one that I will share with all of you or not.

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After that event I made a promise to myself.  I will never let autism beat me again.  I am not alone and I must never give up. The roller coaster of emotions is normal and I can’t hate myself for having “a moment”.  The key is not to let “the moment” control my life.

~Brooke

 

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