I let autism beat me on Friday. Just like my Detroit Lions, my defense was weak and I let my guard down in the fourth quarter. At the end of the day I was numb. Sydney had a difficult time at school, we just signed up for a new autism program, and I was waiting on lab results for Syd. Autism wore me out that day. We didn’t leave the house all weekend. Except to go for a walk in the neighborhood.
I am not sure if it was the lab work results that I was waiting for, trying to find a respite worker, hearing about Sydney’s rough day at school, or being sleep deprived. I just know that I lost to autism that day. I didn’t have the strength to pack up Australia and venture out. Harrison had a chance to spend Saturday with mommy and sissy so I felt good about that.
I began to pray and then journal. That is my way of calming myself down. I began to reach out to friends just to talk, not about autism but I wanted to hear what was happening in their lives. Hearing good news from my friends always make me happy. Next, I opened the windows and sat on the chaise lounge in the living room. I wrote from my heart. I wrote a letter to autism and it wasn’t pretty. It was not a G rated blog at all. Not sure if it will be one that I will share with all of you or not.
After that event I made a promise to myself. I will never let autism beat me again. I am not alone and I must never give up. The roller coaster of emotions is normal and I can’t hate myself for having “a moment”. The key is not to let “the moment” control my life.