Where Did She Go?

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Have you lost your sparkle? Are you feeling down? Do you wish you could turn back time?

Yesterday, I started thinking about how things would be different if I could turn back time in my life. I wouldn’t make any major changes. But there are a few conversations that I wish I could have again.

I thought back to when I was younger. I was fearless a lot like Sydney. I had spunk and didn’t mind being the center of attention. Wow, I really sound like Sydney.

My laughter would feel the room. I was always looking for an adventure. Nothing too daring. I would dance in the rain. Jump in the puddles and sing. Now if it starts to sprinkle. I will tell you I will melt and I can’t get my hair wet.

Where did she go? That girl who was on fire. Some days I miss her. She didn’t listen to what her critics said. She didn’t mind if she was alone. And she wasn’t afraid to fail.

My sparkle became dull. But it was no one’s fault but my own. You see I let others tell me how to feel and how to act. It was like being hypnotized or under a spell.

Now I feel the pressures of life weighing heavy on my heart. Did I do the right thing for Harrison, is my job secure, will Syd be okay and where is my new husband?

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I don’t want to live each day with all of these demands and stress on my life. I think I let my idle mind get the best of me. I sat still long enough for doubt and fear to enter. That’s when I started reflecting back on “Brooke”.

Now is my time to dance in the rain and watch the sunset. It’s my time to go to events and places that I want to see. Even if that means I have to go by myself. The old Brooke wouldn’t care. Plus everyone is on their phone or taking selfies. So I will be just fine.

What are you hiding? I hid my talent of writing because I was told writing wouldn’t feed my family. But writing is my dream and my passion. My writing may not be blessing me financially yet. But my writing has let the inner me come alive again.

Working on my memoir is getting challenging. I am writing about situations in my life that are hard to share, but necessary. So I am going to smile instead of crying. Smile instead of worry and step out on faith. Watch out I’m an adult version of Syd!

 

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