The Day We Left Sydney

We traveled as a pack or we didn’t travel at all. While in my autism coma we didn’t travel much. I spent my summers chasing Syd, and cleaning up the destruction she made during playtime. If we went out as a family. We didn’t plan on staying long. Or we drove separately in case one of us had to leave with Sydney.

Although he never complained. Harrison wanted time away from Sydney. I didn’t hold that against him. Our autism journey has made us all better human beings.

I appreciate when people invite our family to go places with them. I try to troubleshoot and map everything out as best I can. We’ve been asked to leave events, because of Sydney’s noises, meltdowns and echolalia.

When Harrison and I had a chance to go to Philly. I decided to leave Sydney. This was the first time we were gone all day and Harrison didn’t mention Sydney until we were on our way back to Delaware. I checked in on her several times. When I found out she was content. I took a sigh of relief and enjoyed the city.

While in Philly, I was taking notes on how to make this trip work for Sydney this summer. I realized that it’s okay to leave Sydney sometimes.

It allows Harrison to have my undivided attention. We don’t have to follow a schedule or worry about a “plot twist”. It’s good for Sydney to have her one on one time with family members or friends. It gives her a chance to be independent. Sometimes I think Harrison and I enable her when she needs to soar.

For the first time I didn’t feel guilty. I wasn’t a bad mom for leaving her.

I love my family. Every day may not be perfect. We might not make all of the events. But I’m determined to enjoy our time together as a family. And our time when we leave Sydney at home.

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