Yesterday Autism Almost Broke Me

I have to believe that if it were your child you would be doing exactly what I’m doing. You would ask questions, advocate and learn as much as you can.

It wasn’t a seizure, a meltdown, or sensory overload that almost broke me. It didn’t have anything to do with Sydney, but it had everything to do with Sydney. Are you still following me?

It wasn’t lack of sleep, OCD, or echolalia. We have actually been on an autism high. I felt like I was ahead of the game in certain areas of our lives.

When I reflect on all of the positive feel good stories about Sydney’s life with autism, I am slapped in the face with my reality.

The reality that I will always have to advocate if I want her to successful. I have to think outside the box and make my requests known. So, why does it seem like we are going backwards? Why can’t things settle down? It’s October already. What am I missing?

IEP meetings suck. I spent four hours researching laws and preparing my talking points and agenda. I feel like a hostage with my list of demands but then I realized I need to be a negotiator.

Mommy saw the sadness in my eyes yesterday. Even though she had a lot going on, she kept giving me one liner sermons. “Take it to the rock.” “Jesus will guide you” “When you don’t know what to do just stand.” “God gave you Sydney because He knew you would fight for her.” “God already told you what to do. What are you waiting on?”

She was right. There was no time for the prayer closet. The kids wanted dinner, I needed to help Syd with homework, and I needed to compose my thoughts.

It was in a brief moment that a calmness came over my body. It was a peace that I can’t describe. I knew I was doing the right thing for Sydney and all of my thoughts were so clear. I began to type my thoughts, so I wouldn’t lose them.

Yesterday, Autism almost broke me, but I survived. God has a plan for me and this isn’t it. Don’t let whatever you are facing break you, it’s getting better you just don’t see it yet.

❤️

Brooke

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