I Was Looking Cute!

This was Saturday I was ready for the weekend. I just knew I was looking cute!!! Fast forward to yesterday I looked like a chipmunk with a swollen face, bags under my eyes from crying and my anxiety at the highest.

My last two wisdom teeth needed to come out and I was walking around in pain. I hadn’t slept in three days because of the throbbing pain. My cardiologist called for me to come in and discuss another test. Sydney’s IEP that I prepared for was also on the same day and I didn’t want to take a day off from my students the second week of school.

All of that circle of control lingo I forgot, until René reminded me. Next, when she asked how can I help? What do you need? I cried. I cried probably five more times that day. I finally felt better after crying.

Yesterday I had to cancel Syd’s IEP. I had two wisdom teeth pulled without sedation. Don’t even ask! I needed those teeth out and when the oral surgeon said he would stop and I could come back later in the week. I cursed and he continued and then I was calling on Jesus, so he was all confused.

The past two days were shitty. There will be shitty days and no matter what I did things were happening in all areas of my life and I felt stretched so thin! It was too early for that to happen it’s only September!

If you know me well you know I hate Fall! I love football but I hate Fall. Yes, my niece was born in October and so was my son. I was married in October. I usually have to give up wearing my sandals in Fall. I began dreading the season before me.

I went from looking cute to feeling like a disaster, bad mom, terrible teacher and the list goes on. I could have picked up the phone and called anyone in my contacts and they would have listened to me, but I chose not to. It definitely wasn’t because I didn’t want them to know my business. Hell, I blog about my life! I always help others and in my mind I should be able to help myself.

As I sat on the couch after a day of oral surgery and a visit with the cardiologist, I tried my best to look cute again but not on the outside but on the inside. I allowed myself time to express my emotions and eventually I felt strong again.

I went through hell and I know that God’s about to blow my mind with something amazing. If you are facing struggle after struggle, setbacks and stress beyond your control. Cry it out, dance it out and pray it out!!!! And look cute doing it!

❤️

~Brooke

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