When they see me coming. Do they see me or autism? Do they see Harrison and Sydney’s mom? Do they see a divorced mom? Yes, I think I wear my titles well. But what do they really see when they look at me? What is my true identity?
There was a time when I lost my own identity. No one stole it from me. I lost all sight of who I was as a person, a woman, a mother. I was in denial about many things. I hate to admit it but I would have stolen someone else’s identity to hide my own. Was I ashamed? Was I embarrassed? Maybe it was a little of each.
When I looked in the mirror. I didn’t like the person that was looking back at me. It had nothing to do with my weight. It had everything to do with the look in my eyes. The sadness on my face. This was not like me at all.
I was letting my struggles steal my identity, right in front of my eyes. Day by day I was losing myself. I became withdrawn, and never smiled. This was my new normal and I accepted it.
Are you asking yourself what changed? Am I still hiding behind an identity? I had to hit rock bottom. In order to realize that the only way to go was up.
It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight. I realized that when I looked at the world around me. If a change was going to take place. It would begin with me.
Am I worried about what people see when they look at me? No, not anymore. I am concerned about how my children see me. Not society. I have learned that my identity continues to change as I mature.
One thing that I won’t allow to happen again is for my struggles and situations to steal my own identity.